the public life of a beautiful girl

What does it mean to be a beautiful girl in public these days? Well as for what I have seen, I am not convinced that it is very easy. From what the news blabs and what the world is doing, I am not fully willing to believe that is what I must do.

In recent emails, my good friend and spiritual mentor Joseph--from India, has given me a number of new understandings of a beautiful girl in public.

1. a beautiful girl needs to fix her eyes on Jesus
"Let's fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and protector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Heb 12:2
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2. a beautiful girl needs to worship the King, he greatly desires her beauty
"So shall the king greatly desire your beauty; for he is your Lord; and you will worship Him." Psalm 45:11
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3. a beautiful girl nees to agree and walk with God
"Do two people walk together unless they've agreed to do so?"
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so, why do I care. Because whether I am given any social right or not....I will claim to it that the Lord has made me beautiful, and that's okay. But he never said how hard it would be to be his servant in this world. So, what must I do?
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Be a sacrafice of worship unto the Lord--unashamed and pure

Thus after a beautiful woman has prepared herself with her gaze fixed on Jesus to manifest her beauty to the Lord and has established herself to walk with the Lord, she will have a right attitude to worship the Lord, King of Kings.

Worthy of calling
.Offering & obedience
..Righteousness
...Shining star with good works
....Holiness
.....Indwelling of the Spirit
......Purity

my non-wedding day story

July 22, 2006. I could not get anyone to work for me this night...the night that I was to be married. Not as if I needed to keep this day holy or something. I just didn't think I would have to work as a waitress. But, God allowed me to be a servant that night....not just for the restaurant boss, but for him. He had to touch some lives and I was to do it. The night was busy...and I didn't have much time to think about how that was the day I was to be married.....and be obsessive about it. But a certain event un folded before my eyes that illustrated moment after moment the tender and careful hand of God. I had a table at 26, just around the corner and I was making some of the Nederlander Grille's famous homemade bread pudding for them....treating them to a hearty slurpping serving of soft serve ice cream and warm carmel and cinnamon.....wowsers! I kicked the two way door open to proudly exit the kitchen. A sly grin on my face would precede the official 'presentation' of the dessert from heaven. I turn just around the corner and lo and behold.....hark Table 26 was gone! What! Three thoughts came to my mind as my surprised and somewhat starked face fell in a mouth dropped freeze. one---the couple thought they would desert the table...and 'dessert' outside. I picked up hoof and gave a glance out the patio door....nope, just Pastor Ouwinga and his smiling family (Hello, Miss Vivacious!) Thought number two----the rapture! and I was left with a bread pudding covered with soon to be melted ice cream. I think it was the glance at the pastor type that shifted my thoughts significantly. Third thought---they were thieves. If it wasn't the rapture, they must have stolen the meal and walked out. And they were old. And they had free coffee. I was robbed by some little old people and I didn't even see it coming! Sadly I walked to the waitress station...thoroughly confused. Ruby, my beautiful co-waitress piped in.
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"Oh you looking for Table 26? Yeah....well they decided to go."
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WHAT!!!
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"...go to table 27. They knew 'em."
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Wow! Erika, what a freak out. I sighed with relief and obtained once again the sly 'presentation' composure and rounded the corner toTable 27. So loudly there they were....not outside, not raptured, and not Bonnie and Clyde. I present the dessert, quickly and with grace. "I call this one, 'Two white swans'" I love it when the ice cream tapers at the top and entwines as an abstract swan. Two tapered white swans makes a very romantic moment. Just remember that.

"Oh Erika! It's nice to see you," states the originaltable 27 gentleman.

"Oh, hi....yes, so you are the culprits who stole mytable 26...made me think they were raptured thieves."

We all laughed at the absurd comment. I knew this 27 couple they are from Alton she was a sweet wide-hearted woman who played in the Dordt Symphony Orchestra with me....sat last chair next to me. He was a bouncy and boisterous man with a flare that I always love to serve at the grille. Makes a waitress feel like a princess.

"Do you know who this girl is?" he asks table 26ers.

"This is the 2001 Tulip Queen!" Table 26 just gasped and there was bustles of noise--"well, I never,wow...so wonderful, I could have guessed!"

Shyly...and a bit embarrassed I tilted my head down, but kept a smile. Its nice to be noticed and like I said, I always feel like royalty around him (maybe heis like God in that way)

"What was that 5 years ago? Isn't it time to moveon?" I answered very quickly, my sarcasm was thick. By this time he knew my humor...especially to him. He knew I was flattered and could handle it. A boisterous laugh was all that followed. Like clockwork.

And this is where things get crazy. As if I was walking right into a web of blessing...and so naive I walked in. Mr. Table 26 leaned over the table a bit, snatched a finger full of the 27's bread pudding. He looked at me, smiled and then said,

"Wow, wouldn't she be a great daughter-in-law? Or wife even."

Are you kidding me....he did not just say that? Not today! What are the odds? It couldn't be true, not on this very immediate day, at the time in which I could--if I was to be--actually be someones new daughter-in-law and someones WIFE! God was speaking and I knew it. I didn't leave for in the next moments would be the thickest most delightful moments of my life. The type of exact times that can only happen on the 'day you were supposed to get married'--God knowing it be the only one of this type.

My face was motionless as both sets of tables made jolting gestures and nodded in agreement. As if table 26 had actually known me longer than bread pudding arrival. Mrs. Said Bonnie from vacant table 26 spoke the words I could only assume would come (is this actually my reality God?)

"So," leaning toward me as if I was no longer awaitress, but a girlfriend at the coffee shop about todish the gossip. "how close are you to being a wife?"

If you only knew, I thought. If you only knew! If YOU only knew!

"If you only knew," stumbled my tongue. The words finally made it to my mouth after three failed attempts passed my comfortable social bubble. My wall of vulnerability was too high for such feeble words to scale. And then it all came. Like a waterfall of truth. And it set me free.

"I was supposed to getmarried today, actually."

the silence was unexpected.
and it hurt my ears.

"yeah, it was today, and you know what...that's okay. The Lord has shown me so much of his strength that I can only believe is called grace for my ex-fiance and for myself. He has shown me himself and the hope that lingers is never leaving me...or forsaking me."

"Oh Erika, your testimony is so real, so alive and itis bringing me to tears,"

my boisterous friend was now a weeping willow leaning against his hand on the table. In only a moments time he was completely overrun by the power of God.

"...more coffee?"

my ordinary wits will never worship God

unless they are transfigured by the power of God himself and I am a new creation.

why does my heart long for simplicity, yet my flesh whines for complexity and mishap, destruction. that I give in to my flesh not my heart and I am left crying and kicking for 'something more'. To find that it was the simplicity that i chose against which would draw me to my Father's throne. Do not chose God away Erika!!. Beat my own habitual sin. Don't wait until the depression comes...or wait until the curse unfolds, or see the rebellion exposed before I go to God. Go now. He knows my heart longs for him...and waits patiently as I figure it out.

"The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." 2 Peter 3:9

i am a new creation

this morning, I awoke late. I was to meet my best friend Tracy at the church where I have promised to be. But she was standing over my sleepmarked face with her beautiful black shirt on which makes her look tan, which she is. "So faithful to seek me...even turning like a lazy door hinge in my bed" Oh, my heart ached for I had not awoken with the alarm----NOW WHAT!! it's in the mornings that I want to worship God and now it is too late. I just woke to see my 'lazy' sin had slept with me. In my bed. And left drool on my arm after I cozied back into the sheets upon turning my alarm off. I was getting lazy. lately, something called sin has crept its way into my sight. Am I seeking God for God? Like Art for art's sake? God for God's sake? or why does my body sleep, get lazy, drown so willingly. I read something in 'My Utmost for His Highest' recently. The quote was "Our original wits will never worship God unless they are transfigured to Him" In my most purest form I will never worship God. The way I was born will never bring me to God. I need the redeeming grace and mercy of my Lord. Who is my friend. And the reason we can be friends is because of mercy. His mercy is over me. Like Tracy, with her smile so beautiful and face tan as the golden sun threw grace on her teeth shining in the dawn cast shadows of the half open blinds. She is faithful as a friend. Her grace is over me. To forgive a lazy friend. And I can only be faithful in return, otherwise I am not a friend. And because God is always faithful...he calls me friend--says my friend Joseph in Sweden (the author of all anonymous comments) and the book of John. I laid in my bed when Tracy left for work and thought about my sin. OUt out, get out. right there, I was clean. In the moment before asking, guilt was gone...that's how good our God is. I need to be clean, to worship with a heart of a servant.

i will ask that you now look at my blog as useful....not crap. as it was before somewhat crappy, pictures of me with guns and shooting and killing precious moments. now when you read you will recieve encouragemtns and the stories of faith as the Lord shows it to me---and that which he is faithful to show you.

He is faithful, I dare you to see it right now---but only with God's faithfulness can you succeed.

A new creation today,
Erika

my last midnight dance

today is the last day that I have a computer in my room. My ever so studious sister will bring her computer to Northwestern College tomorrow. And no longer will I be able to rise in the middle of the night to hold close the keys of quick and easy world wide access. No longer will my steps be delicate across the white carpet to reach the creaky chair next to the small tv table where the View Sonic sits--displaying its color and life. My heart just breaks--as I will return to the use of a lathargic and quite oversized hunk of challenged electrical machinery they call a family computer. so as much as I would love to greet you at my ever whim and call, lo I can not ask you to dance.

forgive me for i have to write you a letter.

monkey bread slugs

the dream sequence as written and drawn by Erika: 5:12am Aug 11, 2006

We ,my family and I were visiting a town with a lot of history. We had hired a man to show us around the town. And I became very friendly and flirtatious with this man. We went out often to do historical things later that week. One evening I was out walking around the Orange City golf course, hoping to run into my cute historian and I stumbled upon this man dressed in full regalia and old fashioned costume riding a horse and carrying a very large sharp toothed butter knife. He looked different than I knew...I didnt know him, but he looked different. Very focused he rode forward.

I followed some and then he reached another tour guide standing in the moon light. She wore her full costume: a long dress, apron, with layers, and a bonnet. They shared some mummbled words. Something about "the time", "the place", and "let's do it". I watch her turn to lead towards the barn and he rides behind her, not even dimounting the horse. He pulls back the butter knife in batters position and without further warning swings it around and the sharp teeth are sunk deep into the fleshy muscle of the girl's arm. Her arm seperates from the bone and she turns quickly around and says,

"Oh, I see how it is, you want it all for yourself!" "Why did you do it...why!"

I wanted to help but I couldn't expose myself to this strange butter knife man. Leaving the woman behind he trotted up to the barn, dismounted just before the open doors and stood. He bent down to a small pile of ground. With his face he thrust his teeth into the ground and pulled up earth in sticky balls of carmel and dough. He viciously chewed, openly enjoying its taste and splendor. I could hear him groaning with delight. The woman hobbled over holding her flesh to the bone to also partake in this edible earth. What was it? Monkey Bread? Monkey Bread! They stopped and began to search the ground...until they found what they were seeking. With a little tug on the stiff sticks poking through the dough a fat slug the size of my hand sqeezed out of the hole. And another. The two giggled as I gagged, silently facinated.

where are you hydeen?

Lillian Grace

at 22 months and soon will be a big sister! Josiah Thomas skal kom snart! She is also very smart...singing all the veggie tales songs and she knows who loves who. Grandma Carla loves Beso (Beste Far=Grandpa Tom)

The lovely groupling. Aug 6 in Bellevue, Nebraska

Erika James, Andrea Rae, Stevo Paul, Christa Louisy

Shootin' n hootin'

Saturday Aug 5, 2006

Sundown in the valley at Lanyon Family Farm

Carthage, MO

Mr. Overall Chops and his City Slicker Side Kick

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Jay was the best teacher ever. I have never shot a gun before and tonight we didn't just shoot guns we aimed, loaded, fired, and conquered-----a broken tv.

The guns are laid out on the tarp and as desired you just say 'Hey can I shoot the M44?' Sure! Load it up, shoot away. Jay's friend Jonny (Jauncito) with the brown cross swords shirt--brought a large wooden ammunition box brimming with bullets and shells to make a small boy giggle. And when I got started, I started to giggle too. Yes I think I giggled because Jay was using an old man cane.

Christa

She was apparently awesome at the pistol. Jay hesitated when I asked what I was good at. He says it was the shotgun...but I think he was struggling to satisfy my tender shooters heart. At the end of the evening we did something call the SYMPHONY. This is where everyone loads up all the guns with tons of ammunition and on the count of three lets them all go. The glorious noise, and smoke and parazza of it all was jolting. I had the shot gun....and it jammed. So all I did was dodge flying shells and try not to shoot my foot off.

got yur gun?

down in south missourah

Saturday, Aug 5, 2006

Phillipino Tony & Redneck Jay

We started the day off with a bit of Vietnamese food--apparently people from Vietnam come for this summer celebration in Carthage. The lady next to me helped me eat my rice pancake, as if I was unable. There were about 10,000 extra people in Carthage this weekend--I felt like I was on outreach.

Jay--the old man and Erika his wheelchair wench!

Jay hurt his foot pretty bad in a soccer accident so we were pulling all the strings of handicappedness. Nice wheels Jay!

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Precious Moments Museum vs. Precious Movements Night Club

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One is a kitch trap for newly wed wives with suckers for husbands and crazed women with magazines showing the next available statue----and its release date into the gift shop supply. Jay's grandma has a job at this shop of porcelien temptation.

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The other is a short lived strip club in Carthage, MO

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Welcome to Wedding Island

oh the desperate couple to pack this chapel filled with naked precious moment angels on the walls and heart bricks in the entry way.

I think deep down Jay wants to get married here one day...then I know I am not his bride.

Its almost like heaven. I thought if I looked long enough at the big dough headed kids I would be healed of all my bad thoughts of kitch art and nightmares of growing an oversized head as an angel.

Maybe if I touched Timmy the lifesize Precious Moment would I stop this involuntary twitch. No, the magic clown didnt heal me. I just left the museum with a bad taste in my mouth. Like dry spit after a long jog.

All I can say is....where are the guns!

putt putt the viking fjord

Aug 2, 2006

Sioux Falls, South Dakota

The Viking Fjord Miniture Golf Course

Yes, that says Viking Fjord....to all my Norwegian kiddies. Hail Norway!

This is me trying to convince my city cousins that midwest USA is sort of hip. Like a hip replacement--hip.

Guess who won the game. It was tight between the Hydeens and not even a chance with the cousins.

Erika-53, Christa-55, Barbara-75ish, and Andrew-100+. You can see where the talent fell on our family tree---right off the tree.

The clan: Andrew and Barbara Seeton from the city of Racine, WI and Christa and I from the farmlands redneck USA----that's what Barbara thinks. I think she would admit that we had barrels of fun! Laughing all the time! Mostly at Barbara because her laugh is infectious like ringworm during wrestling season.

The coolest part of it all was that I got to share my faith with them...it was an answer to prayer. They were open to hear about the hope I have in Jesus. Praise God for the encouragement he brought to our hearts.

Iowa Weddin' Texas Style

July 29, 2006

'Big sister' Ang and her dashing beau Brandon.

They met in Houston, TX and had thier wedding back where Ang grew up--in Alton, Iowa. It was really fun to hear the Texan accent. And the dancing....oh the dancing. I will have a kickin dance at my wedding someday!

Erika and best friend Lauri. I was the violinist, singer & personal attendant and Laur was the little sister and the maid of honor...and what an honorable gal she is. Not to mention the mean bridal shower we had. Fun with old prom dresses and glue and glitter.

You would call us sisters. I am the one without the correct genetic make-up, but I make up for it with my hair color. Check out the shell earrings...thanks Birgitte---lovely Norwegian mentor!!

This is Birgi (check out her blog). She gave me the earrings from South Africa. She was my outreach leader this spring when I was at a YWAM school in Norway. She is 22 years old and working at the base in Skien again this year as a Department of Communications director. She loves chocolate and tucks her jeans into her socks in the winter. Weirdo! But I love her. So just a shout out lovely gal, and she was not at the wedding.