Have you ever stopped singing when you came to a vow you just could not say. What is said with our mouths is to glorify or tear down God.......and we want to choose the first one, especially in front of others, but what if we couldn't. Like Zacheriah when he was bound by his tounge. No word could spring forth to tell his news....only blank faces and failed attempts to communicate. Yeah, like him. A mix between him and Jeremiah when he says his words in his heart are burning on his lips.....speak speak speak! Yeah, well that happened to me. I want so badly to speak....as it burns on my lips, but I can not.
I sang the song I Surrender All tonight at Tracy's church in Orange City. But I could not sing those words. Try this version----from my heart----that God is molding everyday.
Some of it to Jesus I reluctantly lend out
Some of it to Him I resistantly give
I keep all I can (for even more control)
I cant give it all (to save myself)
Some of it to Jesus I reluctantly lend out
I cant give it all
How would our praise and worship time dramatically change when people started singing to thier fallen-ness. And the way the song is written anyway is so extreme---I mean who .....who will actually be able to surrender it all? I mean really.....show me who. And who gave the church the right to be so radical---so extreme?
I am thankful that a life lived to my fallen-ness is no life lived, having taken no risks in faith....having held so tightly to what I have----fearing what might come when I give it away. So what might come? Persecution? Nothing God can't handle. So what might be the result of that? More faith. So why are we not running to get that?
I am thankful that I am invited to live a life to the fullest. Fully lived. Fully pursuaded.
Rhode Island Roadsters
I am a waitress at a local restaurant and recently some men from out of town came in for lunch. I gave them brochures of the town and told them about the place. I soon asked them why they came all the way from Rhode Island for a visit (as if Rhode Island, the smallest state, is somewhat more something that somewhere like Orange City---by default)
"What brings you here?" I ask with curiosity.
"Revival," the one gentleman softly answered. (First of all you are not allowed to say 'revival' quietly)
My face lit up, with excitement I quickly replied,
"Me too! I really think God is stirring in Orange City!"
A bit confused he expounded,
"Revival: Animal Health--I am a product representative."
A bit embarrased, I filled in my peace.
"Oh. Ok. I just thought God was sending people, just waiting for them....on them ha ha ha"
Awkward silence
"So great.......reviving animals huh? What a profound concept. Would you like some homemade bread pudding?"
God must have known that I would take the bait on that one. In the moment I heard 'Revival' it was like a breath of fresh air--then a blow to the stomach. Nope....not reviving the lost souls of Northwest Iowa, just the animals. I saw this man again today. He is doing a Revival seminar...for animals. I did not wiat on him, but he made a note to stop me and say,
"I just wanted to thank you again----I made my way back here again and I looked forward to coming to this restaurant. I hoped I would see you to tell you that the bread pudding is awesome! See ya"
I saw that man over 4 months ago and then again today. Coincidence? No
What if I began to say things like him, "I made my way back here again and looked forward to seeing you. I wanted to say that God is awesome!"
God is here
He has been
And He stirs
Now you see why I want to surrender it all? All! Oh Lord show me how. Give me the tools.
God is good
Revive us
11.30.2006
11.22.2006
11.13.2006
Awareness
Just so much to catch up on as I am trying to dance my way through life. Oh, the changes of my heart often make things so much more cloudy in my mind, but that change was clearing a place of understanding in my soul.
Since a recent challenging time at the Nederlander Grille I was consoled by God to consider what my focus was when I worked---and I was awakened to see that I was not really on track. I had a social outlook, for laughs and not for business.....and yes, this gets me into trouble. So, now I see a new awareness of my purposes here as a waitress. To be a hard worker as the Iowans tend to be, but to work hard at making my selflessness alive. Working hard at a lot of other things first....like prayer, and giving, and surrender. The weird things--that mean everything.
I played violin as the entertainment in Sioux Falls---two weeks ago. It was at the North American Baptist Seminary---a Missions Banquet. I was shocked that the first girl I met was incredibly cold. Nothing against the school, but this girl was so disinterested I almost lost interest in my own conversation. She persuaded me to be bored with myself. I shook her hand---she gave a weak grin with one eye on the appetizers and one on the exit. She was 'skiddish'. She asked out of the corner of her very dodging face, "So, what do you do?" Obviously her disgusting disinterest could not dissuade me from answering one of two ways:
1. forcing her to pretend she cared---making a long story longer just to see her perseverance
2. completely shock her with information that she would shake out of her social absence.
I liked shocking tactic number 2.
Cheerfully I answered her, "I pray."
She walked away.
What is that? I understand that people have bad days but she was not even pretending to commit those moments of time to another person. So weird. But how much does that say about my pride too. Why should my story mean anything to her? Maybe I should have asked about her. But I guess I was not genuine enough.
The music went well. I play violin with Cory Grimm. He is writing songs and we have done two gigs. We have one on the 25th of November at New Life Church's evening service in Sioux Center. He wants to travel to churches around the area and under the support and focus of recruiting for the seminary....just to get some gigs. Who knows. Sounds cool. But lots of things sound cool these days.
-I rode on a combine for the first time
-I want to spend my days off in half a day of job shadowing with people that I know. I would love to just spend time on the job. Finding out who they work with, what they spend thier weeks doing.
-I will learn to sew
-And I am working on a mural in our kitchen, only after completely mutilating it.......6 layers of wallpaper ripped and scoured. We will repaper (this word is a palindrome: repaper-----can be said forward and backwards) and then I will paint and mural.
My skin itches with the events that have been happening. The art show, the visit of friends, the birth of Josiah, and now without even lifting a finger to get any gigs......the Lord has been my bookie. In the last weeks people have just called me out of no where to ask if I would share with their this group or that group. I just say yes and we go for it. But am I really doing what I think God called me here for? To bless my family. To see them shine. To walk with them along the road and just be a prayer warrior?
Someone recently told me that they think I am trying to make everyone I know into replicas of me. I was hurt. And how ridiculous that would be if they were all like me. I can hardly stand it myself....The last thing I would want is someone else just as confused and just as unstable in the same ways----and the same irresponsibility habits. She was offended that I just didn't love her for who she was. I wondered if that was true....But then with a calm voice said. "I accept you and I don't understand how or why, but I do and God is showing me how to love you for who you are. The hard part is that you are trying to do the same thing.....To accept yourself and understanding how and why is what God will show you to just love yourself for who you are." I had hit a note.....Hard.
I considered my motives. Are they pure? I think so. I just don't know how to love any other way than the way that God has already showed me. So when that doesn't work......Then it is beyond me. Its in His hands.
I consider my genuineness. Am I living my life as all glorifying to him. Have I thought of that disconnect between my heart and his will? Have you?
I spent the weekend wasting my time with family. Just sitting there. Looking at each other, holding Josiah, and just muttering things. It was really the first time that I have done something so significantly irrelevant and rich.
Glory to awareness of Him!
Since a recent challenging time at the Nederlander Grille I was consoled by God to consider what my focus was when I worked---and I was awakened to see that I was not really on track. I had a social outlook, for laughs and not for business.....and yes, this gets me into trouble. So, now I see a new awareness of my purposes here as a waitress. To be a hard worker as the Iowans tend to be, but to work hard at making my selflessness alive. Working hard at a lot of other things first....like prayer, and giving, and surrender. The weird things--that mean everything.
I played violin as the entertainment in Sioux Falls---two weeks ago. It was at the North American Baptist Seminary---a Missions Banquet. I was shocked that the first girl I met was incredibly cold. Nothing against the school, but this girl was so disinterested I almost lost interest in my own conversation. She persuaded me to be bored with myself. I shook her hand---she gave a weak grin with one eye on the appetizers and one on the exit. She was 'skiddish'. She asked out of the corner of her very dodging face, "So, what do you do?" Obviously her disgusting disinterest could not dissuade me from answering one of two ways:
1. forcing her to pretend she cared---making a long story longer just to see her perseverance
2. completely shock her with information that she would shake out of her social absence.
I liked shocking tactic number 2.
Cheerfully I answered her, "I pray."
She walked away.
What is that? I understand that people have bad days but she was not even pretending to commit those moments of time to another person. So weird. But how much does that say about my pride too. Why should my story mean anything to her? Maybe I should have asked about her. But I guess I was not genuine enough.
The music went well. I play violin with Cory Grimm. He is writing songs and we have done two gigs. We have one on the 25th of November at New Life Church's evening service in Sioux Center. He wants to travel to churches around the area and under the support and focus of recruiting for the seminary....just to get some gigs. Who knows. Sounds cool. But lots of things sound cool these days.
-I rode on a combine for the first time
-I want to spend my days off in half a day of job shadowing with people that I know. I would love to just spend time on the job. Finding out who they work with, what they spend thier weeks doing.
-I will learn to sew
-And I am working on a mural in our kitchen, only after completely mutilating it.......6 layers of wallpaper ripped and scoured. We will repaper (this word is a palindrome: repaper-----can be said forward and backwards) and then I will paint and mural.
My skin itches with the events that have been happening. The art show, the visit of friends, the birth of Josiah, and now without even lifting a finger to get any gigs......the Lord has been my bookie. In the last weeks people have just called me out of no where to ask if I would share with their this group or that group. I just say yes and we go for it. But am I really doing what I think God called me here for? To bless my family. To see them shine. To walk with them along the road and just be a prayer warrior?
Someone recently told me that they think I am trying to make everyone I know into replicas of me. I was hurt. And how ridiculous that would be if they were all like me. I can hardly stand it myself....The last thing I would want is someone else just as confused and just as unstable in the same ways----and the same irresponsibility habits. She was offended that I just didn't love her for who she was. I wondered if that was true....But then with a calm voice said. "I accept you and I don't understand how or why, but I do and God is showing me how to love you for who you are. The hard part is that you are trying to do the same thing.....To accept yourself and understanding how and why is what God will show you to just love yourself for who you are." I had hit a note.....Hard.
I considered my motives. Are they pure? I think so. I just don't know how to love any other way than the way that God has already showed me. So when that doesn't work......Then it is beyond me. Its in His hands.
I consider my genuineness. Am I living my life as all glorifying to him. Have I thought of that disconnect between my heart and his will? Have you?
I spent the weekend wasting my time with family. Just sitting there. Looking at each other, holding Josiah, and just muttering things. It was really the first time that I have done something so significantly irrelevant and rich.
Glory to awareness of Him!
11.06.2006
Josiah Thomas---the redeeming King!
So, as I have been mentioning in blogs of late...the wee child Josiah has been in the making...and is now in the world. Yes, a week and a day over due this little....well not so little---more like 9 lb. and 2 feet long small, has come! October 25, 2006! The King comes... you know the story of the young king Josiah in the Bible? It's found in 'two' kings 23:3.
"The King stood by the pillar and renewed the covenant in the presence of God--to follow the Lord and keep his commands, regulations and decrees with all his heart, and all his soul, thus confirming the words of the covenant written in this book."
"Neither before or after was there a king like Josiah, who turned to the Lord as he did--with all his heart and with all his soul and with all his strength, in accordance with the law of Moses."
So, I have a high hope for this one. He came with some lung struggles...and no one could hold him for the first days---except close family.....but now healed and growing in grace.
"The King stood by the pillar and renewed the covenant in the presence of God--to follow the Lord and keep his commands, regulations and decrees with all his heart, and all his soul, thus confirming the words of the covenant written in this book."
"Neither before or after was there a king like Josiah, who turned to the Lord as he did--with all his heart and with all his soul and with all his strength, in accordance with the law of Moses."
So, I have a high hope for this one. He came with some lung struggles...and no one could hold him for the first days---except close family.....but now healed and growing in grace.
Josiah Thomas Hydeen
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