shooting arrows

i am here in Orange City, IA. a week and a half ago I was in Oslo catching the fire with the base. It has been a crazy week coming to this point. we traveled, we talked, we planned, we hardly slept, we drove a car, we went to seven states in 24 hours, and we still have quite some to go. I personally am doing very well. There have been some moments though where I question my whole ministry. I question my integrity in the scheme of things. You know it is one thing to preach about spending time with God and finding our purpose for life...to glorify Him. It is another one to yearn so much in my heart to worship Him and sort of wonder how to make it happen. I do not want to live my life hypocritically. It seems one day I am looking to obey in my ever step and the result is active and outward. Other days I wish I was active and outward and I am only just thinking, pondering, analyzing my heart. Am I able to get OUT of this body. Am I able to live OUT of this heart? Am I able to reach OUT to a hungry world?

Yesterday was one of these days. I had spent two nights ago in my bed feeling my heart break for something. I have learned now in my walk with God that when I cry and weep it is not always for myself...or my own emotions. I have asked God to transform me to be like a barometer for him. My emotions, tears, anger, confusion....whatever can be a reflection of the spiritual temperature. This has been sometimes a hard concept to run on but overall God has been teaching me so much. Often the feelings I have are not just mine....but a collective feeling of the group I am in, the family, the city, the country even! It's about spiritual sensitivity. What is happening around me.....that I can not see? So as I was saying two nights ago I was just weeping with a broken heart. I couldn't explain it. I just asked God to speak to me. I felt this stirring inside. Finally after a half hour of soggy listening I fell asleep into a deep deep peace. When I awoke yesterday I was heavy with peace. Like I had soaked all night in the presence of God and he had embraced me. My broken heart had now turned strong. What an amazing experience! So as I met with people yesterday I was sharp and filled with the love of the Holy Spirit. Every conversation I had was like shooting arrows of truth deep into the heart. I can only imagine that the Lord prepares His children to be his messengers. I want to be so sensitive to the heart of God...so that when I meet His lost ones, His angry ones, His shame-filled ones, His shallow-hearted gossiping ones, His lonely ones, and His weary ones....I am as He. Shooting arrows of love.

I am tired. I need to be renewed again from a long day of archery. God is the everlasting. Without a revelation of who He is than I am still just a clanging cymbal. Lord! Give me more of your love!!!!

-erika