unsettled and reassigned

So, I sit here with my legs up on top of the computer tower, the blood is stagnant because my body is at a 90 sure 90 degree angle, my ankles are turning blue, but when I am focused on something, I forget how uncomfortable I am. Here goes Erika again, but I am so always learning things from stupid situations like this one. As I sit here, I know that my body is in pain, but I am either too lazy or too intense to do anything about it. What is that, just wierd. I am in an uncomfortable position in my heart too. But even though I know what to do about it, I still just sit here with slow blood and numb feet. Its like just because I know what to do, doesnt mean I will do it. That is an overstatement. I have been trying and trying and failing and failing to do what my heart really wants. Ever since I came home I ahve been so ready to just worship God and to jump into a new ministry and a renewed purpose, but I find myself engaging in rediculous things. I watched the WB for like 6 hours one day. I hate tv...or at least I thought I did. And especially the WB.
Many times my release is the discipline I have to get up in the morning. SOmething I took away from my DTS experience. I get up flippin' early and sometimes have no excuse and then just sit around waiting for the rest of the world to do something. That is the time that I am the most uncomfortable, because that is when God is speaking to me the most. In the quiet....where I can hear the noise of my heart and its like having a serious conversation at a noisy jazz bar. You know, the scrunched face and the shaking head, "I'm sorry I cant hear you, what did you say?" "God, can you repeat it...its hard to make out the words..." that is of course as I choose not to leave the jazz bar. I know my problem, I know the solution...I just guess I like having numb feet and slow blood.
What a great picture. I need to write more on this. The numb feet thing...has so many conotations and possibilities to talk about not doing the work of God...not going, not staying, not understanding...my mind is just going wild. And the slow blood thing is a bit of connecting the blood of Jesus to my hardened heart. The redemption blood and my lazy flesh. Yuck. Great picture, horrible reality.
So, i just put my feet on the floor. I really feel better already. Now, let me go do something--dance!