a month away....and so ready

we are only a short month away from getting married. I can't believe it has been such a short time and yet we have been waiting for a long time. I have not been recording these feelings and these anticipations in any journal, blog, prayer book.....nothing. I am sitting here a little bummed that this time in my life is just about to move forward and I have some snippets here and there to capture the whole thing. I guess I always will have that wish of remembering everything---the good especially.

if I would go back two months and give you some highlights I would have a hard time. I think that would be because it is all a flexible mush. I had a lot of time, a car, and a private apartment to find peace. I feel so free now that I had that car to find out how to get from here to there by myself. I even took my third official manual transmission driving lesson tonight----wow my world is changing.

but why do I not spend time doing the things that I want to? well that is an interesting question. A couple weeks ago I was getting really overwhelmed with the wedding stuff (for no good reason, because not much has changed since then....it's just my perspective). Will did not allow me to check my email, to work on any wedding stuff or even be around that temptation. He told me that I needed to do something that I wanted to. I was stuck. What do I love to do? Have I lost all my love for other things. What will I do when I am not planning this wedding if that seems to be the only thing I find worth my time to do now? That was a scary moment to be stuck. I didn't even find sleeping in was very satisfactory anymore. You know when you have whatever you want, you tend to just not appreciate it anymore. I contacted my friend who lived downtown Denver. We met up, ate at Chipotle, went to the Denver Modern Art Museum, drank coffee, and talked about things that are important long after any wedding ceremony and day. It was truly a refreshing day. I found that I was on the edge of melt down. Later that week I moved out of my apartment, gave back the car, and moved in to the YWAM base again. NO car, NO privacy, NO control. You know.....God has a way of moving strongly in my lack of control.

I look at what I could have done with my time and I could get all upset, but then I guess I would rather be thankful and happy for the rest that I got. THe light that is in my eyes, the time I got to spend with Jesus, the practice time on the cello. These are truly some of the last times in my life that I will spend all day (only a few times) by myself. I think I did not even open my mouth a few days. I was not with people to talk to.....and it was a different kind of revelation. A silent revelation. Things are going to seriously change and that is a big deal for me.

I am grateful to the Lord for the big things that have been accomplished over the last month. We have an ALBUM!!! THe Lord provided the money from friends to cover most of the reproduction costs. What a providential gift!! The album is such a testimony of God's love and timing in our relationship and a big arrow pointing to where we should go.

Thank you for your prayers. MOre to come! There is a wedding soon!