here and there.....where?

i have been trying to come up with a reason to update my blog for a week now. i guess I came up with a couple which kept me from doing it....obviously. i guess the whole jet lag excuse could work. i think the one involving the camera battery dying and the cord was in my big suitcase that didn't get unpacked could fly too (except I never leave my bags unpacked...it's a silly and stringent habit of mine). I guess the best excuse to not update my blog after a life changing event like 'LEAVING NORWAY' would be that I am not ready to respond to it yet. That is the one I will claim.

I have been home for a week and it hasn't hit me yet. really.

I have to admit that I have not been myself lately....my new and improved self that was found again during the last month of my time in Norway has again gone on a vacation from her strength to find transition and anticipation and stress a new hobby and occupation. I never gave myself permission to do that...but a fight or flight response is due in times of change. There are times when I want to be more of a fighter. When it comes to God's word, truth, and hope....I want to fight (but it is easy to flee). Sometimes it is easier to fight for the last word in a conversation just to prove that you were RIGHT. Sometimes it is easier to find the fault in someone's arguement than to just show mercy, love, and grace and move on....bringing each other forward. I find that as I come home to the states that the defenses I had up while I was there in Norway....are not as useful here. there are definetly different spiritual strongholds in each country and since I have spent my time letting the Holy Spirit build me in Norway....I have to be torn down again (in some aspects) so that I can be prepared and built up for the things that are happening here in the USA. I would love to flee from it all. If I were to be honest......and I am. I would love to communicate my heart-------but the doors to the house look different, don't have the same key hole or lock, and the knob isn't the same.

I guess it is pretty vague what I am describing here. Sorry. But then again I am not about to explain it in depth. I think what my friend Kate said was best 'I like that you think in pictures'. Thanks Kate....I do too. It's the only way I understand myself---glad that you understand as well. There are only a few that understand my picture talk....and those few humans on this earth have been given a supernatural gift of interpretation. Congratulations!

So here I am in Orange City and I am thinking about what I should do with my time. Will asks me if there was anything I just wished I had time to do....but didn't have time to do while in Norway. YES! There is always something I want to do when I don't have time to do it. But then again........what if you actually had time? What would I do? Would I spend my time doing random fill in jobs or would I focus my time and energy on getting refreshed and rested in God? I think I know my answer because my spirit is just crying out for rest. So then that is what I shall do here in Orange City. I will rest....and take advantage of this time.

My biggest prayer since I have come back would be to be like those the Lord delivered from bondage. It talks about them in Psalms 126:

When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion,
we were like those who dream.
Then our mouth was filled with laughter,
and our tongue with shouts of joy;
then they said among the nations,
"The LORD has done great things for them."
The LORD has done great things for us;
we are glad.

Restore our fortunes, O LORD,
like streams in the Negeb!
Those who sow in tears
shall reap with shouts of joy!
He who goes out weeping,
bearing the seed for sowing,
shall come home with shouts of joy,
bringing his sheaves with him.

I want to dream again

I want to laugh again

I want to sing songs of joy again.

It's not happening now....but I believe it will come soon.

The tears that have been shed will not be wasted by God.

so....here's a toast to transitions and new seasons. drink up!!